There's More To Life

Hey everyone,

Life’s generally quite good at the moment…really really tired and fed up with one of my classes but apart from that life’s kushti!

So going back to my annoying class…it’s sociology!! I don’t want to be rude about my teachers cos they’re nice people but I find the way they teach sooooooo dull and I just go out from the lessons feeling like I know less than when I went in…and we’re only 4wks into term!!!! It doesn’t bode well! I’m going to go and see my tutor, Dawn, and see if I could do a fastrack course in drama and do the whole a level in 1 yr! My tutors really nice…so friendly and genuine in trying to help you out.

I’ve written my personal statement now but can only be 4000 characters so Dawn’s editing it for me at the moment so will post it when that’s done!

After I’ve written this I’m going to start my ethics project…I’ve gotta cover environmental ethics, sex and relationships, war peace and justice! So any views on this or knowledge you have would be fab! [I am loving the smiley faces today!!]

Made some new friends recently which is really cool cos loads of mine have now gone to uni!! I knew them b4 but not really and now we hang out together which is cool. I met them at this party and I guess in a lot of ways they’re different to me but we get on fine.

Anyway I should probably be doing my ethics work…L!! Not a particularly interesting blog today but never mind…its as much for me as it is for you!!

Big fat blessings, Martha

I just wrote a whole long blog then lost it! That is so annoying!

Just a short one then...
a bit about me...

I'm 17 and live with my mum and my brother. I live in England and i'm doing my a levels, spending long hours in coffee shops and laughing hysterical laughter with my friends.

i love to just chill and give people the time of day but i'm quite good at being a little tornado leaving a traill of destruction behind me but i'm sure we'll get onto that later! i'm quite into randomly hacking my hair off at the moment - usually n afro, at the moment more of a fluffy mop type of thing on my head!

I don't know what i want to do when i'm older but right now i love writing - poems, stories, scripts... and playing piano and talking to people and acting so i guess somehwere in all of that i'll probably end up but just waiting to see. Meant to be applying to uni but can't face it right now...i feel to young to make descisions that effect the rest of my life but i guess i was doing that since i became my own person and they were made for me before that.

Am i a product of my decision or of life's decision?

Martha.

Golden days to me are those ideas of what life should be like but just isn't, those romantic moments in films where time stops at the command of lovers, and teenage girls throw back their heads overcome with laughter knowing that they are delighted in and are beautiful and accepted; and when father and son are in complete harmony and understanding with each other.

I used to long for days like these, i desparately wanted to be a golden girl, radiant with beauty and the more i thought and longed for my golden days the more i realised they're less of fantasy than you think.

Wait and watch for your golden days, because they're all around us, happening all the time, it's when you look through the sceptical eyes of this world that you only see ugliness and disappointment. Sure, life will never be exactly what you want it to be but we have a promise of something better, where life is without flaw, and we get glimpses of it right now, today.

I wrote a poem called golden days, looking back at my life, i realised with complete serenity that even the times when pain was so great i thought it would consume me, it was a beautiful cacophony of love and longing; and when things got real messy with hindsight i could see that i was like a toddler wallowing in mud and everything was okay cos someone would come and pick me up, wash me off and set me on my way again with huge love and compassion; i could go on (and i will if you want me to), but heres the poem

Golden Days
I just saw my life flash before my eyes,
I saw loneliness and pain deeper than i thought i'd known,
and happiness so perfectly settled that it felt like home
My tears reflected the moments when my loved were ripped away from the very heart of me,
I lay back when my sight was filled with the beauty of the sacred in my soul,
Crippling tension then sighing relief when I realised I was free,
...remembering my lessons and wisdom that i'd ever been told,
I smiled fondly at the thought of my friends -
the on'es that said they'd be there till the very end,
I laughed uot loud realiseing how wierd my family actually were,
comfortably thinking, "You're the ones i prefer"
And I don't know where i go from here,
but there's nothing to fear,
and i'll be okay,
'casue I know I'll have very many more of these golden days.