Life’s really quite rubbish at the moment and to be honest I just couldn’t tell you why.
Nothings really going wrong or anything and there’s nothing I can’t cope with and life is normal but my eyes seemed to have misted over and my perception of the world is blurry, I see through tired, frustrated and lonely eyes. I keep crying to try and wash the mist away but sometimes rain brings more mist and doesn’t help the driving conditions. I don’t seem to be able to drive very well at the moment, I keep swerving all over the place, changing my mind about things every few hours, coping then not coping. I pull down country roads for quiet crying, hidden from the world, to scared to let anyone in. There are people there for me who love me dearly but they have their lives to be getting on with and it’s best for everyone else to think that I’m just getting on with mine.
I’ve got so much work to do and its going to be some late nights, I’m not worried about that though. There are bigger things to worry about than a stupid drama essay. Bigger things like my friend, ‘T’, this last year she’s gone to hell and back, been sexually abused and is a totally broken person and she is in such an awful place right now. Another friend, ‘S’, has found herself liking T’s ex boyfriend but T has realised maybe she’s not as over him as she thought and the feelings are rising up again and she doesn’t want to stop S from going out with him but she’s really hurt about it all. She’s tried to kill herself in the last few weeks, this maybe the last straw.
I know I’ve just got to look outside of my own little world but it’s so hard when everything I see is better than me, is condemning me. I sound like a whining little child so I’ll shut up now. I feel better for writing it down but I know I should talk to someone. I’m sure I will do.
Martha.
